So we aren’t going to the doctor until next Tuesday. As in another 9 days from now. As in almost THREE WEEKS since that funny double line showed up! This protocol creates psychotic droves of women constantly thinking: Am I? Is it real? Should I be worried? Should be be ecstatic? Should I tell anyone? I understand the timing is primarily so they can ensure a little heartbeat is developed enough to see, but this limbo period is tortuous.
Things I have felt in the same day, hour, and minute:
- I don’t feel pregnant.
- Should I pee on another stick just to be sure?
- Do my boobs look bigger?
- I don’t think my boobs are any bigger.
- OMG, am I going to have that awful feeling of everything falling out again right after I give birth? What if my uterus falls out of my vagina?
- I have no appetite, is this a form of morning sickness?
- What if I’m experiencing a missed miscarriage?
- Can people at work tell that I’m pregnant?
- I’m not any more tired than usual, surely I’m not pregnant.
- Should I be modifying my pure barre exercises already?
- Are my stomach muscles going to split again this time around?
- I don’t think I look any thicker around the waste, is this for real?
- I hope it’s another boy, just like Bruce.
Fun times! Luckily, the first time around with Bruce I had zero morning sickness. I honestly would never have known I was pregnant if it wasn’t for finally getting exceptionally large and feeling the little guy move around. What’s unfortunate is that while I loved having him kick and move, it was difficult for me to truly appreciate what a special experience it was. Now that I see what comes from pregnancy, I am hoping to really enjoy and love every second of this process, especially since I think #2 will be our last (sob).
INTERRUPTION … Dean just decided to leave the house while Bruce is napping. This is tricky business as our house is tiny and creaky with ancient and painfully thin window panes. I shot him the death glare as I knew the car and gate were going to make the typical racket that is not “I’ll be as quiet as I can!” Dean just left and clearly Bruce is awake, screaming, 45 minutes into what should be a two-hour + nap. Praying he goes back down. SIGH. MEN. UGH. LOVE THEM/HATE THEM.
Although nothing has been confirmed, I think I may actually have a touch of morning sickness this time around. No nausea, but just a general disinterest in food. Nothing sounds appealing, and usually I’m someone who needs to know where my next meal is coming from. That said, I was able to enjoy the annual lobster feast that Dean and I do every year at home for Valentines Day. Dean takes care of the lobsters and I handle sides and dessert. This year I did an avocado, apple & mint salad, crostinis with roasted red pepper tapenade, and a chocolate soufflé cake. It was all amazing, although Bruce would have been happy without the lobsters (they terrified him). We had a really nice evening noshing and talking for hours. We even managed to not be too tired to uh … you know. 🙂
In the meantime, I’m just trying to savor every moment even more with my little stinker Bruce. He is so cute it just kills me. We made Valentine cookies together yesterday, and I got him a few books, one of which is a board book with lyrics to “It’s a Wonderful World.” If you are looking for a gift idea, order this on Amazon immediately. I sing the lyrics as we go through it, and I’ve probably read/sung it to Bruce 10+ times since yesterday, and I seriously have not made it through once without tearing up.
I hear babies crying. I watch them grow.
They’ll learn much more than I’ll ever know.
And I think to myself,
What a wonderful world
I’ve been wishing I could freeze time ever since Bruce was about two months old, and that feeling persists every day. I hope everyone loved on their valentines, whoever they are, big, little, boys, girls, men, women, dogs and kitties as much as you could yesterday.
Bruce is back down! Hurray!