Smiling Mommy

A couple months ago my husband and I had a rare date night. We went to Coltivare (fabulous) and hadn’t even gotten our drinks yet from the bar when we were seated. Hubs and I had been having a lot of marital stress over the past several weeks, and I had been feeling overwhelmed by work, weaning, lack of storage, the dog, my hair, etc., so a night out was well-needed. We began the evening at our local tiki bar (also fabulous), where I unncessarily guzzled down two drinks (ok, it was necessary, no shame, but no tolerance either from two years of pregnancy and nursing).

We’re seated, checking out the menu, and I feel there’s an elephant in the room that I need to talk to Dean about. I’ve been thinking about this for awhile. Quitting. Quitting my job. Those three words are tough for me to think, say, or write. I love my job. Or so I thought? Things have just been different since Bruce has been born. But I’ll save those details for another post. The point is that I’ve been thinking about it for awhile, but given the stresses of life and general lack of hubby-wife closeness recently, it’s not something I’ve been up for sharing or explaining to Dean. Liquid courage helps though!

“Dean, there’s something we need to talk about.”

“Ok.” (looks concerned, puts menu down)

“I think I want to quit my job.”

Expressionless, he rises from the table and walks away.

Hmm. Ok, I guess guy has to pee? Best place to ponder potential life changes is on the toilet after all. I’ll just keep perusing the menu.

About three minutes later a waitress appears with two glasses of rose champagne (my favorite!). Dean had previously ordered drinks for us at the bar, so I assume these are them. Behind her, however, is Dean holding two cocktails with a wide grin from ear to ear.

“I thought we needed to celebrate!”

Turns out hubs had not gone straight to the bathroom to empty his bowels at the fear of living on one income, but he had promptly ordered more drinks to commemorate this life-altering decision. I knew there were too many good reasons to count why I married this guy.

The rest of our evening was one to remember (or not, due to the amount of booze consumed). We shared and listened to thoughts and feelings we hadn’t had the time for recently, swooned over the gnocchi, and remembered why we are partners in this crazy life together. Most of all, I felt secure in knowing that my husband is supportive 100 percent of my decision to quit my job and stay at home with Bruce. And I felt good knowing that I could leave behind this uncertainty of should I, or shouldn’t I.

I still do feel that way. Even on the days that I wonder if I’m making the right decision to quit, that I wonder if I’ll go crazy being a care-giver all day, I feel good knowing that I have a plan.